The helping relationship is to enhance self exploration for better self-understanding leading to more appropriate action or direction. Understanding and empathetic depth are important.

EIS Framework

Evaluative – Determine appropriateness of client and what client might, or ought to, do.
Interpretive – Responses of counselor to teach, impart meaning or to explain why.
Supportive – Reassurance, decrease intensity of feeling.

PUA Framework

Probing – The counselor’s intent is to query for information, feelings, provoke discussion so that the client might develop a point further.
Understanding – Feedback so client knows if he/she understood in early rapport building. Self-disclosure, “I’ve been there too.” Genuine honesty, realness.
Advising – Concrete constructive suggestion. Phrase where you have the ability to be specific.

Confrontational needs

EIA “Confront” includes pointing out discrepancies in the person’s thinking and feeling. Do not confront another person if you do not intend to increase your involvement with client, acquaintence, friend. Confront with feelings of caring when basic trust has been established. Help the client become ready to use the information once it is offered.

Defensive clients discount the information given by the counsellor by rationalizing, justifying, leading away, consequenses involved in the situation missing the opportunity for growth, change and decision making. Make sure the defences are under control before offering suggestions or confronting. Defensiveness prevents an action plan for growth and the ultimate goal of acting in growth.

At the moment of confrontation “a person’s anxiety level is high or his motivation or ability to change is low, the confrontation will not be utilized as an invitation for self-examination, and, therefore, it should not take place” (Johnson, D. W. Reaching Out, Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, 1972, page unknown). As helper, it is also a rough road to hoe.

Trials deepen our humility. Rest in God. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Treasure life and do not presume on it. We cannot change the time we have so use it to best advantage. Show love to one another; an opportunity to reach into greater depths of love. Tactfully confirm information given you.

First Stage: Facilitation Phase of the Helping Relationship:

The helpee describes symptoms. Helper suspends acting on evaluations. Helper’s tenderness emphasized, earning the “right” to risk conditionally.

In-depth intense thinking is stimulated through communication responses. Listening in prayer aids in this process as well. Try these communication techniques with yourself and as you speak with others:

· Summarize: “I want to be certain I understand what you have told me….”
· Interchangeably respond: reflect feelings and beliefs, “I hear you saying that you are angry that your wife does not respect your privacy.”
· Clarification request: “Could you tell me more about these feelings of confusion when you get when you are alone?” “Could you give me another example of a time when you got so angry you wanted to hit the other person involved?”
· Probing questions to clarify feelings, beliefs, values and assumptions: “Is that something you are proud of?” “How might you express your commitment to that point of view?” “Let’s see if we can figure out the assumptions behind that point of view. Were you upset enough that you really wanted to disengage from the discussion?”
· “I messages”: “I am curious as to how you dealth with that difficult situation.” “ I am eager to know more about your thinking on this issue.” “I am wondering about how your parents reacted to this news.” “I am pleased th know that things worked out so well for you.” “I am disappointed that things did not work out for you as you had hoped.” “I am concerned about the fact that you are engaging in unprotected sexual activity.” “I am confused about what you are saying to me.” “Could you clarify what you are saying so that I can understand more fully?”
· Low level inferences: “I am sensing that you were really disappointed that your boyfriend did not call you.” “I have a hunch that it was very difficult for you to be assertive in this situation.”
· A combination of techniques: “I hear the anger you are feeling.” “I am sensing you were especially disappointed that your parents did not tell you sooner about their decision.” “I am wondering if you took their actions to mean they thought you weren’t mature enough to understand the problem.”

Second Stage: Transition

Helpee defines the problem and accepts responsibility for its change, gently pressing the helpee toward recognizing helpee’s role. Helper cautiously and tentatively becomes more evaluative.

Third Stage: Action

Helpee takes appropriate actions to solve problem. Helper may be conditional (judgmental). The helper’s self-confidence and knowledge is emphasized.

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